Have you ever felt conflicted between two things? Having to make a decision and decide between two opposite paths? Well, my life is looking a lot like that right now. These days I find myself splitting the line between what God wants me to do and what I want to do.
Okay so, Transparency Time!!! I am sharing this to hopefully help or encourage someone that may be reading this and going through the same. I am currently on a purpose journey of my own. This call to purpose has lead me to leave my job during a pandemic, while my husband was out of work for the first time in his life. To say money was tight was an understatement. To say that my husband was not thrilled would be an understatement too. I just could not shake having that feeling that God was calling me to something different and better, unknown to me but known to Him. Legs trembling and all from fear, I gathered all the courage that I had and left. It was one of the hardest things I had to do. I launched my own business, which if you’re reading this, you are supporting me (Big shoutout to YOU😊). I got to work on building my business and initially only close friends and family supported me. The discouragement, doubt and fear kicked in and I began to complete job applications.
This is where the “split in two decisions” came into play. After updating my resume and applying to a few jobs, the callbacks started to flood in. I went on one interview that I was on the fence about taking but I was willing to go back to the same thing that God asked me to leave or saved me from. Sound familiar? Can you relate to this? I made all kinds of reason why I should take the job. This is where the enemy almost had me. I thought about the very real fact that I needed money, wanted to get back into helping and serving others within the mental health field, and I kind of wanted out of the nothing that seemed to be happening in my life. It reminded me of the time Jesus fasted and was taken into the wilderness to be tested. The devil attempted to test Jesus’s identity, faith, obedience and commitment to God. The devil tried to take advantage of the fact that Jesus was hungry and hadn’t eaten and that He seemed to be lost and alone in the wilderness. It seemed that I was tempted in this same way. The say, the devil knows want you want and he tried to play me. He knew that I was feeling a little desperate to get back to work to make money to pay bills, struggling to see the bigger picture God had for me, and the guilt that came with seeing my husband working super hard to carry the weight. This left me conflicted and unsure which path I should take. I felt like a yo-yo and what God wanted and I wanted tugged at opposite sides. The influence of both of the choices pulled so hard that it began to tear me in half and cause me to become split.
It was then that I had to go into my quiet place and consult with the one and only God. It was in that moment where I silenced the noise of the world and opened myself up to the true source and spoke into me and got me back on track. I declined the multiple job offers. Call me crazy but its time for me to go after what God has for me. What has the world ever done for me? What about you? This is for someone that may be battling this same fight. It may not make sense what God has for you on your own purpose journey, but it will come together sooner than later. I know your past may be trying to call you back. The same thing God delivered you from is trying to reach out. That could be past jobs, relationships, past friends, and past places. These places are apart of your past for a reason. They no longer serve you and the level God wants to bring you to. I am praying that you find the courage to not pick up. If you are split in two on a decision as I was, just go to God and talk with Him. Tell him errythang!!! I promise He won’t let you down.
Continue to discover, accept and chase your purpose no matter what! God Bless you! Yes you!
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